On Rejection



Rejection is an interesting event that happens to everyone. One could be rejected by a lover, a company, a university or even by a cranky auto driver not willing to drive you to your destination simply because of the one-way in between. Turns out, rejection happens all the time to everyone simply because no person can satisfy everybody all the time. Simple right? But why does it leave such a bitter taste that sometimes takes a long while heal?

Nature has not wired anything into us that we don't need. Everything is useful and fulfills some purpose or the other in life - so what about sadness or rejection? Turns out, as in the case of rejection, as in the case of depression the sadness after rejection seeks to create an atmosphere and attitude to answer one simple question - Why?

Lets say one did not know why the auto-driver refused to take you "Was I rude to him before? Am I  stinking bad body odour? Is he a religious fanatic? Do I look like a terrorist? Does he have a distaste for people from my state?" are some the explanations that you might come up with. But knowing that there is a one-way road along the way makes his decision obvious- and even make you predict it!

But what of the complex case with human relationships? That strange case where boy rejects girl or vice-versa, when the interviewer assures of a job but then you get a rejection letter, when a father kicks the son out of the house for seemingly no reason. What then does one do? There are never any sure answers are there?

But amongst all those who eventually heal, one realization is common. Plainly put - "It's not my fault, I'm still worth it". The rejected individual knows that he/she is worth it IN SPITE  of being rejected! This being the case the individual would never feel the sadness after rejection because they know that it was not caused due to anything that was in their power, but rather by the grand chaos that surrounds us all...

5 comments:

  1. cause-effect relation well put! :)

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  2. To be honest, I don't think people always come to that realization- "It's not my fault, I'm still worth it." People mostly think "Fuck that piece of shit. He/She's not worth it." I think that's the most healthy approach to it.

    Thinking "It's not my fault, I'm still worth it" would also give rise to black-and-white thinking. Such a thought is likely to be followed by something along the lines of "Not my fault, everyone's like this." Also, thinking it's not their fault makes their locus of control external, don't you think?

    And questioning too much might cause you to alter your belief system. The autodriver might have spotted some guy whom he owed money to behind you. And would've wanted to avoid being spotted by him. So must've taken off. A nice scenario for you to ask yourself the wrong questions and alter your belief system.

    I guess it's just how one functions but if you ask me, the first one's best for mental well-being.

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  3. Lol Rohit,

    Ok so firstly "Fuck that piece of shit. He/She's not worth it" is perfectly right too. However it isn't the healthy thing as we have no idea what the myriad of thoughts and emotions went through the other person. Believing in yourself on the other hand is definitely healthier in the long run as self love is key to experiencing more positive affect.

    Besides is not "Not my fault, everyone's like this." a generalization of "Fuck that piece of shit. He/She's not worth it"?

    And you're right about the locus of control being external. However, in one-to-one relationships amongst mature human beings the locus of control should always be external for it to healthy. An independent relationship is the best followed by a co-dependent relationships with the lest healthy being a dependent relationship (by dependent I mean for mental well being). It could be that the allure of the relationship is in the opposite order but if either party changes/grows/regress all hell would break loose. An independent relationship leads to space for all parties to grow.

    "And questioning too much might cause you to alter your belief system." - That's for people who can't handle and/or integrate new ideas into their pre-existing belief systems leading to myopic view points of the world. Again, bad in the long run. And thanks for adding another point to my many reasons as to why the auto driver ditched the person!

    Selva

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  4. Besides is not "Not my fault, everyone's like this." a generalization of "Fuck that piece of shit. He/She's not worth it"?

    - Don't think so. Not my fault, everyone's like this is accepting that they are how they are and refraining from judging. But if you say fuck that piece of shit, you blame the other person. You get by easily.

    An independent relationship is the best followed by a co-dependent relationships with the lest healthy being a dependent relationship (by dependent I mean for mental well being).

    -I'm not sure what you mean by independent and co-dependant relationships. Aren't all relationships interdependent?

    Myopic view points of the world is better if you ask me, the world might be complex but being simplistic is easier to get by. You begin to see things in a black-and-white fashion and you get to make decisions easily. Dissonance is minimized + internal locus of control. Easiest.

    Of course, once again, just depends on how a person functions in the end. But from here, from my shoes this seems the easiest.

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